Changing Old Habits

A couple of mornings ago, my husband and I were sitting in our living room, drinking coffee and reading the morning paper. It was one of those perfect mornings. The sun was out, kids were playing, nothing earth-shatteringly terrible was being reported in the paper. Best of all, I was drinking the best cup of coffee I had ever had in my life.

Now you may think I'm joking about the coffee, but I'm totally serious. See, about three weeks ago I bought this new coffee at the grocery store. I decided that as good as Folgers was, it was about time we took a chance on an unknown. With that thought in mind, I ended up buying a deliciously smelling, incredibly overpriced bag of coffee and brought it home for my husband and I to enjoy.

So, on the morning in question, I looked over at my husband who was busy reading the paper and said something along the lines of, "Is this the best cup of coffee you've ever had or what?"

You know what his answer was? No. NO!!

I was dumbstruck. The fact that he wasn't savoring every mouthful of this perfectly blended, fifteen dollar bag of coffee was shocking to me. This man who, by the way, I had been married to for fifteen years was all of a sudden a stranger in my eyes.

I took a few deep breaths and then calmly asked him why the hell he didn't like the coffee. He looked up from his paper and told me "coffee is coffee" and that he didn't notice any difference in the flavor.

This wasn't a satisfying answer to me, so I probed further. I made him analyze his response. Finally, he looked back at me, somewhat exasperated, and said he guessed the reason he didn't really think about coffee like I did was that when he was a kid, his now eighty-eight year old grandfather had told him real men liked just plain, black coffee. Then, with no further explanation, he went back to reading the paper.

I was taken aback by his answer. Shocked, actually. This was coming from a man who liked art and literature. A man who was gentle and silly but never macho. A man who had just recently agreed (albeit reluctantly) to watch Brokeback Mountain with me!

Well I started thinking about his response. I thought about how we're all affected by things said to us and how, sometimes, those things can shape who we are even though we're unaware.

As a writer, I often think I'm open to different ideas, thoughts, and beliefs. I like to believe I'm an outside observer in life, ready to try and experience new things all in an effort to broaden my views in order to become a better writer.

But am I, like my husband, only able to enjoy straight, black coffee? Am I ever able to enjoy the aroma and flavor of something different? Or, do I enjoy what I've always known?

I've been pondering this question for a while and believe there are certain areas of my life where I'm drinking black coffee. To become the writer I see myself being, I think I need to experience as much as life has to offer. I need to occasionally break out of my comfort zone and do something different. Maybe changing my habits (or, at least, being open to change) might just be the key to opening new doors for me and my writing in 2007.

So here's to trying new things in the new year. Hope you all learn to appreciate the many different flavored coffees there are in life!

Writing Goals for 2007

Three years ago I made a promise to myself I would never again make a New Year's resolution. My rational for this was that year after year I never did any of the things I resolved to do. And then, after spending a whole year of doing nothing, I would ring in the next new year feeling like a big loser (which never seemed to bod well for a successful new year).

Well it's three years later and the only thing I've successfully accomplished since deciding not to make resolutions has been to stick to my decision to not make resolutions (never mind the irony of my ability to stick to a goal of not doing something).

So this year, I've decided to end my self-imposed exile in "no resolution" land and join the land of the resolving. However, I'm not calling my resolutions, resolutions. I'm calling them goals. I like the word goals better than resolutions. Goals sound more business-like, more important. Resolution sounds superficial to me somehow, like I need to diet or start working out.

To start the year off, I put down, on paper, a list of the goals I wanted to accomplished. Then I went through my goals, one by one, and figured out what steps I needed to take to achieve each particular one.

I should be brave enough to list my goals here but I can't shake the feeling that if I did so, I would then feel enormous, paralyzing pressure. Like the type of pressure you feel when you excitedly announce you're going to lose those five or ten pounds you've had since you had children. Suddenly it seems like everyone around you watches every morsel of food you put into your mouth. And while you're chewing, they seem to be shaking their heads and rolling their eyes in your direction, thinking about how you're never going to lose even one pound.

But maybe I can divulge just one goal. And it is.......I'm going to resist the horrible urge I have every day to drink a third cup of java. Yes, it may sound stupid but I seriously feel I'm on the verge of an addiction and I have to stop myself from jumping off that ledge. I'll keep you all updated on how I'm doing.

Will the work ever end?

It's countdown time to the launch of my new site and I'm above my eyeballs in work. I'll be glad when this initial phase is over and I can relax. Okay...who am I joking? I think the work will just increase but at least I'll have a large part of the work done.

Christmas is around the corner which might explain why I'm having a hard time getting people to email me back when I ask them a question. I guess I'll take a break for the next few days and enjoy the kids and Christmas.

Remembered today that I forgot to send off my Christmas cards.